Common faults number 3 Show Don’t Tell

How would you "show" this?

Same old, same old

Ah. That old thing again.  I feel obliged to make a few comments here.

·         An experienced writer in a critique group once said to me “Well creative writing teachers always comment on that because it’s something that’s easy to spot and easy to fix whereas as other things are harder to comment on and fix.”

·         A colleague once stated that telling isn’t always wrong. I agree and we also have to remember that story tellers do tell stories 

·         It always slows the pace and fast pace is what’s needed in most fiction. How can we reconcile the two?

I have some counter arguments. So, creative writing teachers always talk about it, do they? Well news here. it is the third most common fault in texts by new writers. Some stories almost read more like a plan for the story they are going to eventually write rather than the story itself. And if it’s easily spotted and fixed why don’t we do just that?

My colleague also brings much wisdom. He’s right: telling isn’t always wrong but knowing when to tell rather than to show is a very advanced skill. Let’s master the easier skill first.

It may slow the pace but it engages us more with the characters. We care more them and so the stakes become higher. The pace and tension then come from our engagement with that character. We want them to win, to overcome the monster or to get the girl.

 

What is it exactly?

I always find it is useful to look at the actual words when seeking to define something. You should be showing your reader what your character is doing rather than telling your reader what to think.  You as a writer have a film in your head of what is going on.  You need to create that same film in your reader’s head.

So don’t say that he shouted angrily. Give us your character’s words and show his body language.  Is he frowning?  Has he sucked in his cheeks? Is he digging his nails into his palms?

Write with the senses. What does your character see, hear, taste, feel and smell? 

Get into your character’s head, get into the scene and then show your reader what you’re experiencing.

Getting this under control

How do we do that?

If you’re wise you’ll do a completely separate edit on “show don’t tell”. Beware of “ly” words.  They’re often a symptom of “telling” where “showing would be better.” Are you showing your reader what your protagonist sees.

Chances are you’ll make your script a heck of lot longer. You’ll go over word count.

Now comes the painful part: what can you cut out to get back to word count?

You must decide whether every scene is actually necessary: does it move the story forward, tell us something about the characters or create atmosphere?  Two of these things or all three at once?

Better in the end to have fewer scenes but make the remaining ones really engaging.

But perhaps this edit should be a topic for another day.  

Image by Wendy Corniquet from Pixabay 

Common faults number 2 Shifting point of view

 Whose story?

It’s really important to establish whose story you are telling. You then need to decide which narrative voice you will adapt: first person, third person distant, third person close, omniscient or maybe even second person.

Modern choices

We tend to favour at the moment first person – this is particularly popular in texts written for young adults – and also third person. Some argue that a first person narrative is unreliable. On the contrary, I would say it is very reliable – in portraying the character whose story we’re telling.  However, a reflective first person can pose a problem for the reader. The character has had the growth and the reader cannot enjoy it with her.  The close third person allows the reader to enjoy that growth with the protagonist. The reader is sitting on the protagonist’s shoulder and can read their mind.

However let’s be quite clear about a couple of things. First this is a modern trend.  Charles Dickens jumped about from one head to another and often used very successfully an omniscient, sometimes intrusive author. Readers loved it.

Secondly: the first person works very well in young adult texts as long as it is quite immediate.  Often the writer uses the present text.  We have the feeling that our best mate is relating an experience to us and has not yet worked out what it is all about.

Zooming in and Out

You need to decide exactly how close you want to be to your characters. Some texts have us zooming in and out of the character in way that can actually make you feel quite sick.  

Rules are made to be broken

Before you say it, yes I know; Philip Pullman skips from head to head (but only in whole chapters) and at the end of The Amber Spy Glass he zooms right out and leaves Lyra and Will to get on with goodness knows what.

But of course, he’s allowed to break the rules because he knows where and how he can.

Try a patch test

Rewrite a passage from your work in progress in:

• First person
• Second person
• Third person close
• Third person distant
• Omniscient author

Also vary the tense:

• past 
• present 
• future

Check carefully

Is every scene in the same point of view and at the same distance from that main character?  

Common faults number 1 No story

As both a creative writing teacher and a commissioning editor I’ve become aware of three major mistakes that new writers make. These are the most common reasons for lower marks rejection and for rejection. 

The biggest of all is that there is no story. Poor writing can be fixed – sometimes with a lot of patience and effort.  But if there’s no story, there’s no story. If it’s not convincing it’s not really a story. 

Literary fiction may be more subtle but it will still have a firm story arc.

The protagonist must have changed by the end of the story. And it must be a significant change. You don’t want your reader to think “Was that it?”

Sometimes an ending can be too melodramatic. Could that really happen? You need to check back that there really is cause and effect throughout your story. 

Don’t cheat. Don’t pull in a deus ex machina – a god flown on to the stage on a dodgy piece of machinery. Their magic-wand waving will leave your reader dissatisfied. Heroes must solve their own problems. It’s wise even to get rid of any mentor before the climatic part of your story.  Let your protagonist shine.  

Image by Image by Mojca JJ from Pixabay