Study this piece of dialogue. You can use this as a template when you are writing dialogue. The notes are listed at the end of the passage. It's also a good idea to have a good book open.
“Do you know what? I get really
stuck on setting out dialogue[GJ1] ,”
said the Creative Writing student.
“It’s not really
all that difficult,” replied[GJ2]
the teacher. “Do remember to start a new paragraph when a new person speaks[GJ3] .”
“Oh, is that
when you start a new paragraph in the middle of a conversation?” The[GJ4]
student looked as if a light bulb had gone off in her head. “And what are the
rules about where the speech marks go?”
“They always go
around the speech[GJ5] ,
with the normal punctuation marks inside it[GJ6] ,”
said the teacher[GJ7] ,
“although you use a comma instead of a full stop at the end, if you are
assigning the speech. And if you put the assignation in the middle of the
sentence, you don’t start the second bit with a capital letter and you put
another comma in front of it.”
“It’s actually a
good idea to have this in front of you when you’re working on a dialogue in a
piece of fiction.” Now it was the
teacher’s turn to grow a light bulb[GJ10] . “Or, even, have a well written book open
as you work. You can see the pattern. It’s easier than trying to remember[GJ11] .”
“How often
should you put “said”?”
“As little as
possible. But actually you must use it if otherwise the reader wouldn’t know
who was saying what – for example if the conversation goes on for a long time
or more than two people are speaking[GJ12] .”
“Okay. But
doesn’t it get a bit boring for the reader?”
“What about
other words – like expostulated, screamed and so on?”
The teacher
shook her head. “Best not to. They draw attention to themselves. “Whisper”,
“shout” and sometimes “reply” are all right.”
“Okay. Thank you
for your help.”
“My pleasure.
That’s what we’re here for.”
[GJ1]Note:
normal punctuation within the speech marks EXCEPT comma instead of full
stop.
[GJ2]“replied”
is just about all right for assigning speech.
[GJ3]And
of course, there is no new paragraph here because the teacher is still talking.
[GJ4]We
have used no word to assign. We have
reconfirmed that this is the student speaking by telling you something else
about her.
[GJ5]See,
a normal punctuation mark.
[GJ6]But
a comma here and note that it is inside the speech marks.
[GJ7]The
teacher has not finished her sentence so we have a comma here and no capital
letter at the beginning of the remaining speech.
[GJ8]We
don’t need “said” here because it’s clear it is the student speaking.
[GJ9]We
know it is the teacher speaking because we see her do something else.
[GJ10]And
here we know that it is the teacher.
[GJ11]This
really works. Try it.
[GJ12]This
is all true.
[GJ13]Indeed.
Now try setting out this piece of dialogue
The correct version is set out below. Don’t cheat!
How are you,
little one? asked the tall blond one in Dutch. She could not muster any words
together in this language which was still so new for her. I, er , I'm English
she stuttered. The drunken biker wobbled forward. Sorry,.... sorry, holding up
his hands. Where were you then? asked the tall blond biker. You seemed a long
way away. No, stammered Christina. She’d just been dazzled by the lights,
hadn’t she? You’re all right? he said. What was he saying? She hadn’t had a
fit? Perhaps it had just been a petit mal this time. You look pale. Do you want
me to call someone for you? No! I’m fine, cried Christina. She really felt fine
now. And this man was really very interesting. He was gorgeous. She just felt
too ill to appreciate him properly. She started to shake. Oh, dear. You’re shivering. You will catch
cold. You must get home. Do you live far? The slight Dutch accent was cheerful
and friendly and his eyes twinkled.
Correct version
‘How are you,
little one?’ asked the tall blond one in Dutch. She could not muster any words
together in this language which was still so new for her.
‘I, er , I'm
English,’ she stuttered.
The drunken
biker wobbled forward. ‘Sorry,.... sorry,’ holding up his hands.
‘Where were you
then?’ asked the tall blond biker. ‘You seemed a long way away.’
‘No,’ stammered
Christina. She’d just been dazzled by the lights, hadn’t she?
‘You’re all
right?’ he said.
What was he
saying? She hadn’t had a fit? Perhaps it had just been a petit mal this time.
‘You look pale.
Do you want me to call someone for you?’
‘No! I’m fine,’
cried Christina. She really felt fine now. And this man was really very
interesting. He was gorgeous. She just felt too ill to appreciate him properly.
She started to shake.
‘Oh, dear. You’re
shivering. You will catch cold. You must get home. Do you live far?’ The slight
Dutch accent was cheerful and friendly and his eyes twinkled.
