Friday, 10 January 2025

A True Friend by Yurii Tokar (Critique)

 


A true friend[GJ1] .

  He was born in Sevastopol in 1966, but Vasia came to Dnipropetrovsk in 1981 with his mother, father and brother. A not very tall and skinny boy [GJ2] started studying in the same class as me. We became university students after finishing school. Vasia and I had almost the same height, weight, and mass. But not everything in the world is measured in numbers. We felt an elusive unity of our souls from the first days of communication and therefore became friends quickly. Our[GJ3]  common interests were chess, cycling, watching movies and reading books.Vasya [GJ4] could play the accordion, and did not swear. He did not smoke or drink alcohol in his youth.

  We told each other about new books sometimes. For example, when Vasya read the story written by Venedikt Erofeev "Moscow-Petushki", it excited him very much. This is a sad story about the last few hours of a drunkard's life. Maybe this book was sent by Heaven as a warning for us? But do we always listen to the voices of Heaven[GJ5] ?

  Time passed[GJ6] .

   Vasya and I graduated from university in 1988 and it seemed that our paths might diverge. I left to teach mathematics at a rural school near Kyiv. My friend stayed in Dnepropetrovsk. In 1991 the Soviet Union collapsed. Many destinies were broken along with the country. Times were hard and life forced Vasya to go into business[GJ7] . He didn't want to work as a teacher. Several years have passed, but it seemed like one day.                   

  Once upon an evening[GJ8] , I heard a knock on my door. Vasya was standing on the threshold. He had come to Kyiv on business and decided to stay with me for a few days. My friend was going to leave soon, but... a chance meeting with a woman (if you still believe in chance) changed his plans. Her name was Tatiana. She was the mother of three children. A few weeks later, they got married. Does time run fast, or does time go slowly[GJ9] ?

  We [GJ10] began to live in a village called Byshev. There was an incredibly beautiful lake in the center of the village. Simple people and hopes for a bright future walked along the wide streets of Byshev at that time. But two years later, I was appointed headmaster of a school in another settlement, and I left Byshev. Vasya became a villager, but it was not his life. He learned to dig potatoes and earn money, but it is difficult to play a flute melody on the double bass.[GJ11] 

  Wine, vodka, or cognac can make the black-and-white world colorful for a while. But if you drink alcohol every day, the colorful world can become black. 

  I don’t know how Vasya fell down the stairs and hit his head on a summer's day. Ambulance, hospital, surgeon, operation, and then disability. My friend stopped walking. He couldn't control his legs. Vasya was bedridden[GJ12] . 

  Sometimes he was taken for walks in a wheelchair. On a hot summer day, August 6, Tatyana took him out into the yard. Vasya's birthday was on August 7. 

  Tatyana slowly rolled the wheelchair along the bright green rustling grass and heard her husband say something quietly. 

  - What? - she asked. 

  - I’m saying that it would be funny, - Vasya answered, - if my gravestone reads: ‘born on August 7, died on August 7.’ Please, Tanya, do a black marble slab for me and let a monument to the lost ships that stands in Sevastopol Bay be engraved on it.

  Confused by what she heard, Vasya’s wife stopped, froze, and didn’t know what to say. But then she asked, “Vasya, are you crazy?” My friend just shrugged.

  He liked to joke about himself, but Vasya didn't like mean jokes about anyone. Once, after he had an injury, a charity organization presented him with an old wheelchair. There was an inscription on the back of the wheelchair: "Last way." Nobody knows what those words mean; it may have been the name of the charity organization. Vasya told all his friends about it and laughed loudly.

  He died on the morning of August 7th[GJ13] .

  Vasya loved life. I think about him often and remember a story he told me in our school years. My friend liked to dive headfirst into the water in the river, in the pool, and at sea. When he was 12,[GJ14]  his classmate in Sevastopol jumped off a cliff into the sea headfirst on a wild beach. The boys jumped into the water from that cliff many times.

  But that day, the boy broke his head on a stone that the underwater current brought at night and died. Since then, Vasya understood that you can jump into the water headfirst only if you can see the bottom. 

  When did evil vodka appear in his life? Who can know? 

  My friend played the button accordion well because he graduated from a music school. When we were first-year students at the university, we celebrated someone's birthday with the whole group in the dormitory. Vasya played a lot, and the students applauded him. Suddenly, one of them suggested, 

  - I'll put a glass of vodka on the accordion. Can you drink it without stopping playing? 

  Vasya did it[GJ15] . 

  People often think that they are stronger than alcoholic drinks. This is not true. Vodka can defeat a person and ruin his life. It can even kill him later. 

  It is hard not to get lost in the forest of life. The path that leads to a sunny clearing is very similar to the path that leads to dark, dense thickets. Kind people often find themselves on an evil path[GJ16] .

  What is kindness? Vasya had many interesting books at home, and in our childhood, it was difficult to find interesting books in bookstores. For example, novels by Alexander Dumas or Jules Verne, or even Soviet books from the "War Adventures" series. My friend allowed us to read his books. He always shared the candies that his mother gave him for school, but he never shared secrets with other people.

  A true friend is a reliable friend. Why did the passions for chess, books, mathematics, cycling, swimming, tennis, and music dissolve in the cognac-vodka deception? I can't answer this question[GJ17] [GJ18] .

 Yurii Tokar, 2024, Ukraine

 

 

 


 [GJ1]You have used web formatting her and indeed your work is going to be posted on a web page. However, normal submission etiquette is double space and indent new paragraphs. .  

 [GJ2]An interesting way to introduce him.

 [GJ3]Watch your spacing a little. You’re tending to run sentences together,

 [GJ4]Space missing between sentences

 [GJ5]Quite a thought.

 [GJ6]This short phrase breaks the text up nicely.

 [GJ7]Interesting perspective on the collapse of the Soveit Union.

 [GJ8]Slightly awkward. Why not just ‘One evening’

 [GJ9]Interesting point.

 [GJ10]You, your friend and his wife or is the ‘we’ someone else. 

 [GJ11]An effective metaphor

 [GJ12]Literally and metaphorically falling down.

 [GJ13]So, his premonition was correct. Rather chilling,

 [GJ14]You should write numbers up to 100 as word in most cases.

 [GJ15]So, this was the start of it.

 [GJ16]More interesting metaphors.

 [GJ17]An effective summary

 [GJ18]This is an engaging and rather sad portrait of a friend. We feel some empathy for both characters.