The role of dialogue
Dialogue is important in all fiction. It sits with
description, exposition, action and inner monologue in narrative balance. It can
slow pace to real time. It helps to “show”. (More about that next time.) It can convey
character, plot or atmosphere. It’s even better if it can do all three at once.
It should never be used for exposition.
Setting out dialogue correctly
It’s really important to get this right. You can look very amateurish
if you don’t get that right. It varies from language to language. Your best
guide is a good book. Note the punctuation:
it is included in speech marks with a comma at end if followed by a tag.
There are several examples below. Study them well.
Tagging dialogue
•
Use said, whispered, shouted and asked only but mainly
“said”.
•
You don’t need to tag much if only two people
are speaking.
•
You do need to tag if more than two are
speaking, if it goes on for more than half a page, and for reluctant readers.
•
Try tagging with actions where possible.
Dialogue shouldn’t be too natural
·
Try writing down some natural dialogue you hear.
How engaging is it to read?
·
Look at a few sample scripts. These are
available from the BBC Writer’s Room. Note the stylisation.
·
We are used to stylisation.
Dialogue should only say important things
Study this extract from Bryony Pearce: Angel’s Fury
“Well.” The Doctor stroked the edge
of the table. “It seems we’ve found your
talent.”
I shook my head.
“No.”
She nodded towards
the gun, needing to add nothing more.
“Part of you has,
and you’re beginning to access that knowledge.”
I thought of
Zillah and a sob hiccupped from my closed lips.
“What’s the
matter?”
“Seth gets to
sculpt, Kyle’s a musician, Panda draws and what’s my special talent?” The words exploded like water from a dam.
“Putting together murder weapons.”
The doctor fondled
the rifle. “I imagine there’s more to it than that. Your talent will extend a
long way beyond just assembling a gun, so I’d better have a range built on the
grounds.”
My hands tingled
and I rubbed them on my thighs. “You want me to shoot?” (161)
•
There is no small talk.
•
Hints of subconscious awareness are beginning to
emerge.
•
The question at the end implies shock.
•
There are no direct tags.
Dialogue should differentiate the speakers’ voices
Study Judy Waite: Game Girls
Fern seems to manage to relax. “You
didn’t finish telling me about the bloke with the shoes.”
“Oh – right. We
went up to the Love Nest – still with all those Shoe Express bags – and he
wanted me to get out of my skirt and top.
So I did that – and then he opened the first box and produced some red
patent stilettos. He asked me to put them on. It was all very polite, though.
He was a real gentleman.”
“He wanted you to
do it wearing shoes?”
“No, that’s just
it. He didn’t want to “do it”.”
“He paid for you
to sit there wearing his shoes?”
“It was a bit
more than that. I had to walk about in them, while he watched. And then he
opened another box – and another – and another.”
We have clue that Fern speaks first. She is nervous, shows
discomfort and seem incredulous. Alix is dismissive. This is a two person conversation
so it’s easy to follow. We’re guided too
by subject matter. However, there is something of each girl in each of her
lines. What would happen if we cut them up? Would we still be able to tell which girl said
what?
Each speech must give some information
Study Suzanne Collins’ The Hunger Games (10-11) and see how every line of speech tells us something new.
“We could do it you know,” says Gale
quietly.” Gale has an idea. That’s the sort of person he us. Yet he is a little
unsure of himself as he says it quietly.
“What?” I ask.” Our protagonist has to
ask. She is practical and straight forward.
“Leave the district. Run off. Live in the
woods. You and I, we could make it,” says Gale.” We see more of Gale’s
feistiness here. We also see that he has faith in our protagonist. He believes
they can both make it. That increases her ability also in the readers’ eyes. Here we also learn something of the setting.
We are quite near the beginning of the text. The “district” obviously has a
hold as the notion of leaving it means that they would have to shelter in the
woods.
“If we didn’t have so many kids,” he adds
quickly.” This is intriguing. We know that Gale and Katniss are young adults so
won’t have children of their own. We know then immediately from this that both
of them are taking responsibility for other young people. It’s also interesting that Gale adds this
quickly. He anticipates how Katniss will respond. He knows her well.
This short exchange is followed by some
inner monologue and then followed by:
“I never want to have kids,” I say.” We
might assume that the responsibility of what she is already doing weighs heavily
on her.
“I might if I didn’t live here,” says
Gayle.” We are given further information about his character here. He’s an open
sort of person and likes people. The place they live in, however, is not
friendly.
“But you do!” I say, irritated.” Katniss
is the practical one and Gale’s tendency to ream irritates her.
“Forget it,” he snaps back.”
There is not always total harmony
between the two friends. Often small talk is avoided. Each line of speech tells
us something new.
- Katniss practical and straightforward.
- Gale is feisty.
- Responsabilty weighs heavily on Katniss.
- Gale is an open person and likes people.
Dialogue should convey mood, character and reaction
Study Sara Grant: Dark Parties
I almost believe it’s possible. “Ok,”
I say. Think slogan.
“Open with care.”
“Grand reopening.”
“Open and closed.”
I’m not sure that
makes sense. “Don’t we need to make sure people understand we’re talking about
the Protectosphere?” I ask.
“Yeah, right.” She
mashes and bangs a little more. She dips her finger in the bucket. Her hand is
red and looks like it’s dripping congealed blood. Congealed blood with bits in
it. She rubs the red between her fingers. “I think it’s about done.”
“But we don’t know
what we’re going to write!” I smooth a curl behind my ear and think of my
grandma.
“We better figure
it out. Once this stuff sets, we can’t use it.” She drops the bat in the tub. A
spray splatters the yellowing tiles. She grunts as she hefts the bucket out of
the tub. She closes the shower curtain and turns on the water.
“No Protect Us
Fear,” I say as the slogan pops up in our head.
We detect the excitement. Note the body language. There is also
caution. An atmosphere of secrecy is hinted at.
Your checklist for dialogue
- Is it set out correctly?
- Is your tagging right?
- Is it too natural?
- Does it only say important things?
- Does it differentiate speakers’ voices?
- Does it convey mood, character and reaction?
- Does each speech give information?
- Does it multitask?
Dialogue exercise
Study the following text.
Can you set the dialogue out correctly? The answers are supplied below.
In there. He nodded
his head towards the top drawer. Close the door will you? I don’t want anyone
else to know. Barney opened the drawer. He took the sketch book out and the
small tin of water colours. Get the water commanded Nick. Barney pushed Nick up
to his desk. He spread the plastic sheet out for him and arranged the latest
picture so that Nick could get to it easily. He unscrewed the tube of white and
then opened the lid of the tin. Hurry up with that water, man! Nick’s face was
going red. That always happened when he got frustrated. Barney hurried over to the sink with the jar.
He had just filled it and carried it back, when there was a knock on the door.
Barney covered the picture with a sheet of kitchen paper. He opened the door.
Mrs Fletcher was standing there with a tray of drinks and biscuits. Thank you,
Barney, she said. Nick sighed. Mum. Do you mind? Barney and I have got things
to do. You need to drink, love Mrs
Fletcher replied, quietly. Barney, do you think … Yes, it’s all right, Mrs
Fletcher. Really. Mrs Fletcher nodded and smiled. Nick pulled a face. I grew
out of baby cups a long time ago. He pointed to the invalid cup. Barney walked over to the tray and took the
cup. Don't let it get to you he said. Nick didn’t resist as Barney held the cup
up to his lips. He even managed to lift his hand up so that it looked as if he
was actually holding the cup. Barney tipped a little of the fluid into Nick’s
mouth and then straightened the cup up as he waited to hear Nick’s laboured
swallow. At last it came. Then he was able to tip a little more into Nick’s
mouth. Slowly, slowly, the cup emptied. Barney took a few sips of his own drink
to keep Nick company.
Dialogue exercise answers
“In there.”
He nodded his head towards the top drawer. “Close the door, will you? I don’t
want anyone else to know.”
Barney opened the drawer. He took the sketch book out and the small tin
of water colours.
“Get the water,” commanded Nick.
Barney pushed Nick up to his desk. He spread the plastic sheet out for
him and arranged the latest picture so that Nick could get to it easily. He
unscrewed the tube of white and then opened the lid of the tin.
“Hurry up with that water, man!” Nick’s face was going red. That always
happened when he got frustrated.
Barney hurried over to the sink with the jar. He had just filled it and
carried it back, when there was a knock on the door. Barney covered the picture
with a sheet of kitchen paper. He opened the door.
Mrs Fletcher was standing there with a tray of drinks and biscuits. “Thank
you, Barney,” she said.
Nick sighed. “Mum. Do you mind? Barney and I have got things to do.”
“You need to drink, love,” Mrs Fletcher replied, quietly. “Barney, do
you think …?”
“Yes, it’s all right, Mrs Fletcher. Really.”
Mrs Fletcher nodded and smiled.
Nick pulled a face. “I grew out of baby cups a long time ago.” He
pointed to the invalid cup.
Barney walked over to the tray and took the cup. “Don't let it get to
you,” he said.
Nick didn’t resist as Barney held the cup up to his lips. He even
managed to lift his hand up so that it looked as if he was actually holding the
cup. Barney tipped a little of the fluid into Nick’s mouth and then straightened
the cup up as he waited to hear Nick’s laboured swallow. At last it came. Then
he was able to tip a little more into Nick’s mouth. Slowly, slowly, the cup
emptied.
Barney took a few sips of his own drink to keep Nick company.
Some Notes on Setting out Dialogue[GJ1]
“Do you know what? I get really
stuck on setting out dialogue[GJ2] ,”
said the Creative Writing student.
“It’s not really
all that difficult,” replied[GJ3]
the teacher. “Do remember to start a new paragraph when a new person speaks[GJ4] .”
“Oh, is that
when you start a new paragraph in the middle of a conversation?” The[GJ5]
student looked as if a light bulb had gone off in her head. “And what are the
rules about where the speech marks go?”
“They always go
around the speech[GJ6] ,
with the normal punctuation marks inside it[GJ7] ,”
said the teacher[GJ8] ,
“although you use a comma instead of a full stop at the end, if you are
assigning the speech. And if you put the assignation in the middle of the
sentence, you don’t start the second bit with a capital letter and you put
another comma in front of it.”
“It’s actually a
good idea to have this in front of you when you’re working on a dialogue in a
piece of fiction.” Now it was the
teacher’s turn to grow a light bulb[GJ11] . “Or, even, have a well written book open
as you work. You can see the pattern. It’s easier than trying to remember[GJ12] .”
“How often
should you put “said”?”
“As little as
possible. But actually you must use it if otherwise the reader wouldn’t know
who was saying what – for example if the conversation goes on for a long time
or more than two people are speaking[GJ13] .”
“Okay. But
doesn’t it get a bit boring for the reader?”
“What about
other words – like expostulated, screamed and so on?”
The teacher
shook her head. “Best not to. They draw attention to themselves. “Whisper”,
“shout” and sometimes “reply” are all right.”
“Okay. Thank you
for your help.”
“My pleasure.
That’s what we’re here for.”
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